Focus

Focus is something that I think 90% of college students, if they’re honest with themselves, will admit that they struggle with.  I know I do, I always have, and I probably always will.  I tend to live in the future.  When I was in high school, I was daydreaming about college.  When I was in college, I was daydreaming about being here in South Asia.  In every phase of my life, I’ve daydreamed about life after graduation.  Now that I’m here, though, I’m back to daydreaming about college.

I found out this weekend that I would have my residence life job again in the fall, which was a huge blessing, not only financially, but for stress, too.  I know where I’m living and that I have my own room, so I know what to expect and can start thinking about what I need to get when I get back in July and can start brainstorming different things like hall themes, dorm activities, etc.  Unfortunately, it’s all making it even easier for me to live in the future and miss out on the present.

There are times when I like being able to daydream.  When I’m in a CNG built for 2 or 3 with 4 crammed in, completely stopped in the road by a man pulling a cart that is way too wide for the side road he’s on, it’s sometimes nice to get away for a bit.  The danger is in letting that happen more often than it should.  In about a week, I’ll be halfway through my time here.  Halfway.  Part of me feels like I’ve been here my whole life, but part of me is looking over my shoulder to figure out where the time went.  If I keep looking to tomorrow (which, of course, is not promised to us,) I may miss out on today.

I came back to reality this afternoon.  It’s been a long day, not super eventful, but just long.  It’s beginning to get hot, really hot, and it’s making me very tired.  I had the jewelry-making class this morning, then a wonderful lunch, and I’m not really sure where my afternoon went.  Finally, we went storying in my favorite neighborhood here and as we were sitting on the family’s wooden bed, being fanned by various women taking turns, I realized how much I will miss this place when I leave.  These women have a long way to go before we see a Change in them, but their eyes light up when they hear the stories about the Name we came to share.  They didn’t grow up hearing about Jonah and Paul.  We told about the feeding of the 5000 today, and I got to do henna on one of the women’s hands after she told the story back to us.  I was still tired and ready to go crawl in my bed, but I know six months from now, when I’m going crazy realizing how close exams are and how much work has to be done, I’ll wish I was in that slum in South Asia sharing about the most important man to ever walk the earth.

Having my floor in Carnegie will be wonderful next year, but seeing students I haven’t even met yet commit to summer trips overseas next year will be even better.  Finally committing to a major will be a substantial step for me, but remembering the urgency of the Good News on a daily basis will be an even bigger one.  I don’t care about coming home with a “greater appreciation for modern conveniences.”  I want to come home ready to go wherever I’m called, no matter the cost.  I want to come home focused.